Remember I am no longer her

 

A friend shared a picture with me some time ago and as I looked at the former younger thinner picture of myself, I realized, I don’t really like who I was back then. I began to remember all my before Jesus growth moments, and the hurt and struggles I had been going through.  The pain of that season felt real again for a moment and then I felt the gentle whisper of the Lord remind me, “you are no longer her.”

Growth was hard, the pruning and the tearing away was not pleasant, but necessary. Each time God pointed out an area I was lacking in, I was embarrassed and mindful of not wanting to repeat that side of myself, and at times I would fail and be emberrassed all over again.

I know God is still not finished with me, I still have habits that I need to break or stinking thinking as some may say. I certainly don’t like living with fibromyalgia and a weak immune system, BUT I am no longer the her of yester year that is over opinionated, sensitive, easily frustrated, depressed and discouraged.

I am no longer that person and I am not that identity, of past mistakes and failures. I am a child of God that is growing and learning and willing to be better, to be more, to be used for His glory. I will not think upon where I was, but where I am going. Pain can not continue to rise up in my heart for things that were long ago healed and taken care of.

God is mighty enough to keep working in my life, and I will choose to let Him. I will remember I am no longer her and that is my testimony not my embarrassment !

Ephesians 4: 22-24
You were taught to put off your former way of life, your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be renewed in the spirit of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Knowing when to rest

One of the hardest things for me while balancing fibromyalgia, working full-time, church and my family, is how much is just flat-out tired and how much could be depression.

For years I have blogged, taken medication, exercised, worship & danced, painted and photographed away the ‘blues’. But in this season with work and medical changes, I am doing less and less of those things and see that there is less and less energy for the things that brought rest from stress.

I love my job, I find it very inspiring and joyful to work daily with my preschool kids. But I must find a good balance to manage everything. I have decided to take on even more with obeying the Lord’s call to carrying my friends baby/babies and I wonder, God really, can I do this?
This is when God spoke to me this morning and said, “no, you are not limited or depressed, you are tired. You must know when to stop and rest your body and lean on me for strength.”

If I am working full-time, there is not necessarily the energy to run all weekend every weekend and right now that is my reality. I have been running and pushing far too much for far too long.

Also during the week, I can not reach for the quick and easy bite on my lunch break going to the nearest fast food joint. This makes me ill and fibromyalgia flares. I must take time and plan out my meals, do the shopping in one stop and put together those meals, for a better week. I often fuel on coffee and skip the water, so bad for me. I can be consistent with supplements and then forget them for a season until I can’t go anymore because I am deficient in critical vitamins and minerals. I must make the effort to take care of me. Again, this takes time and energy but in the long run will give my body what it needs to encourage health.

When one battles with fibromyalgia, there comes a point when your pain becomes your normal. You just keep pushing through it, knowing the pain itself will not kill you. It isn’t until you keep pushing and can hardly move anymore, that you realize, oh no I did too much. It is a fine balance between living and recovering.

It is time to remember the instruction to REST. The Lord God almighty himself RESTED.
Why do I feel I must do it all. I must make the decision, work full-time which I love, or bring down my hours for more time to keep up with it all and pursue other interests.

In the meantime of pondering this decision. I say yes Lord, I will hear you and I will take the time to REST.