Sick of it All

 

Sometimes you just have to get sick of it all. Sometimes you have to look at your situation and say this is enough. I will not live in this anymore, I surrender!

There is nothing the enemy loves more than to have you stay in the nasty. Sick, tired, oppressed, anxiety, depressed, angry, empty, fearful and just plain not living. He wants to immobilize you with the lies that this is it and how it is.  I was in that place and then one day I said God, I am sick of all this, I surrender, I can’t do this anymore. As I worshipped him and laid it all down I felt a new purpose rise within my soul.

I began to surrender in a new way. I had been fasting, praying, worshipping, reading the word and pressing into God like I have not in YEARS.
The praises on my lips began when at first I didn’t feel like praising at all. I would praise and praise until those praises shook my very being and began a change in me.

He meets me right where I am EVERY TIME. If I get to the point of being sick of it all and remove it all from my sight and set my sight on HIM. I had to take my eyes off of what I was seeing in my flesh. I had to stop looking at it, stop living in it. It was not my life it was my situation and my God is a God who has complete power over every situation. 

Recently these days, I have felt an incredible urge to contend for others and their needs. I was in bed one night and woke up and could not sleep. So I began to pray and with the spirit of God on me, I lifted many people before God for different reasons. When I came to those needing healing, a new level of the presence of God hit me. I could not move, I was in awe and I saw myself on the floor, face to the ground and Jesus over me, saying I have healed you, and the presence hit me so strongly that I could not control the prayers they broke out from my heart to my lips. 

Since this experience, I have felt a new level of healing, and a ridiculous closeness to the father, I am absolutely buzzing with the presence of the Lord. Oh, how I pray this is just an incredible beginning because I was absolutely sick of it all and now…oh wow… I am in absolute AWE of Him in an all-new way!

This has become my prayer: “God, we are sick of it all. Sick of the lies, that pull us from the living. Invade the places that we have held back from you. It is time for the rejoicing. No matter what we are seeing in the flesh. You fight with us in the spirit. You go before us and we praise you for it. “

When we are sick of looking at the mess and ready to put our eyes on him continually, we will see new and amazing things. I will not be shaken, I will not forget what He has done.

Psalm 16:8- I have set the Lord continually before me;
Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

I will PRAISE Him and Raise My Hallelujah! No matter what is going on around me. For when I am fixed on Him, everything else pales in comparison.

 

Give a listen and just let your ‘stuff’ go~ Raise a Hallelujah~

 

Living in Thanksgiving

We are getting ready to move from a home that has been a sanctuary in a dark time in our lives. The property around us is beautiful and we will be moving into town, where our views will not be acres of trees and greenery. I had always wanted to stay in one location and raise my children. We lost our home in the fall of the economy and this rental was our Godsend at just the right time and we have been able to spend the last six years here. So many great memories but the newest chapter of our lives as empty nesters has us moving.
It is in this transition that the Lord has shaken me in new ways to live in thankfulness.
He has me focusing not on what we ware leaving behind, but to be thankful in all that we are gaining.
Many times in the transition of life, I have looked at the have not’s instead of the what I have.
We are called to thank the Lord in all circumstances. When we walk out our lives living in thanksgiving, we walk in the plan of joy for our lives. Our sites are on all we have and not what we lack.
What if instead of a well of thanks for the big things in life, we walk in a well of thanks for everything in our life, big and little?
I can choose to rise each morning with thankfulness on my lips or walk in the negative.
It begins with the heart change. For out of our hearts our mouth will speak.
I want to be living in thanksgiving, not just a moment but a lifestyle.
I will rise and know I am blessed.
He is worthy of my thankful heart!
It is in the walking in it, that it becomes my everyday.
Living in Thanksgiving will become my habit, not my moment.

Thank you Jesus : Worship Song

Again and Again

Recently I was in the waves of depression or grief I am not sure exactly which, but I was getting to where I  wanted to just isolate myself on most days.

I had lost my dad a year ago and my health struggles of the last few years hit another all-time high with no explanations, leading to walking away from my job I loved. Coming to grips with all the loss, I was truly trying to keep my head above water.

I had this heavy blanket over my mind often since childhood. When I was at Bethel Worship Music School this year, so much was revealed to me and was broken off of me.
I have been healed of the suicidal depression years ago. Jesus rescued me before. But this release was generational. This release will take deep roots in my family. God has brought me to a place of Joy that I had not felt since I was under 8 years old.

There with my heart open saying, God, why has this returned?  He said, “I will do it again. You want your release, here you go. I will do it again. I will meet you at every stage and every time. I will do it again! Don’t focus on the why, you know the why. Focus on the victory because it is here. ”

I just broke with my love from Him. I was valued and given the gift of LIFE.
When I let myself remember the work He had done before and I let myself be loved by Him in new ways, deeper relationship, it is then that He rescued me.
My heart was lifted with the knowledge that He will rescue me again and again from every situation. I do not need to return to the old. That one has been done with.
Anything else arises, He will be in that too, ready to save.

The funny thing is this time that I was rescued, it was much swifter then years past.
The days of deep depression did not linger long, as I was able to recognize them and remember where my help comes from. The maker of heaven and earth, my creator, my savior, my friend, my JESUS. He did it before and He will rescue me again and again. From each struggle, from each battle. He will rescue me again and again.

I am human, I may open the door to the same battle, but He is so faithful to reach in and pull me out of it. He is also faithful to give me the tools to not go there anymore.

I was at church Sunday and just heard…SOUND THE ALARM.

When you are struggling in life, sound your alarm!
Call out to Him and He will be quick to answer you.
Right there with you in your walk no matter where you are at, He comes.

In our natural life, if you are looking at a fire, you are going to sound that fire alarm. You will not just sit and watch it consume everything in front of you, you are going to call a rescuer. When you are struggling in the Spirit, SOUND your alarm.

He will meet you again and again. Give the song a listen 😉 This one blesses my heart to pieces.

 

 

 

 

 

Two shall become One

Our families first wedding! My middle son found his bride, his treasure. We are so blessed by this union. To see the change in my son after finding his soul mate was the sweetest joy.
He was complete and it was evident the day we met her.

There were a few moments at the wedding that struck me how awesome my God is.

For starters, I think we are one of the few weddings in history to start on the dot on time.
I was reminded of God’s timing and how his ways are always perfect.

My son longed to find his other half, he knew he wanted to be a husband and a father young. He was not one for frivolous dating he wanted the one and no other.
Sometimes we wait much longer for our destinies than the young age of 21 and I know that discouragement can come with the waiting.  But I am reminded He knows our needs, our calls and He knows the desires of our heart. He is faithful when our eyes are on him and His timing is right.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Another reminder was loving one another in action with a sacrificial love and not just words.

As the maid of honor was giving her speech she mentioned how last week Devin had burned his feet in the kitchen at work, with boiling water. He lived two hours one way away from his soon to be bride, but as soon as she knew he was hurt, she was packing an emergency kit and drove the two hours to go take care of her guy. This story brought to mind, my prayers for my boys that they would find a helpmate that was joyful in the caring for them. This is the love I have prayed for my boys, as well as they bestow this love on their beautiful brides as well. My mama’s heart swelled as I got a picture of her serving my son in the same way Mary Magdelin had with the washing of the feet of Jesus. I know this is a girl that would do anything for my son. I also know from watching him so closely as they grew in their relationship that he too will serve her in this way and I am blessed.

Ephesians 5:25:

“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.”

 

Genesis 2:24:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

 

Lastly, I was reminded how God cares for our every need as we rest in Him.

Our kids have jobs at the beach which they have both longed for. The jobs opened up with housing, utilities and meals included. But there was a little bit of debt that would make the lower pay a bit tight. Since all their expenses are covered the pay is a lower scale, so as  I and others have been praying for the kids’ provision, the Lord answered and supplied finances to pay almost all of their debt. Through amazing gifts from thoughtful friends and family, My boy and his new bride will be going into life with their ability to have all needs supplied and a paycheck to boot! God is so faithful and His love and care for my son and his wife are amazing.

HIS WIFE, I don’t think I shall ever get tired of those words. A blessing beyond measure. My husband and I have our first daughter, as the two shall become one, so our family is one step closer to completion.

Matthew 21:22

And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.”

Lord thank you for answering our prayers!

 

Out of the Heart

 

I have been in a season of great frustration lately. I am frustrated with the health, my physical limits, my personality,  the finances being stretched and not being able to work at what I love right now, and finally the lack of some changes around me that need to happen.
I am frustrated with my reactions to those frustrations.
I am frustrated with my frustrations!

I have noticed my speech has been more negative, I have blown up more often in harsher ways and I have seemed to misplace that joy to the full that was with me constantly. Lately, my joy comes in snippets, like this morning when I was watering my flowers listening to the bird songs, yet the fatigue sets in and my joy meter seems to begin to fade.

I have been seeking the Lord on this issue lately and He reminded me of truths when I first began seeking joy and what will lead me to get my joy to the full, back in place.

1- Out of the heart, the mouth will speak.
God pointed out that just as a parrot, will repeat what it has been told over and over, so will my heart. You can teach a parrot good things or bad, depending on what you spend your time feeding it.

I have been so negative lately because my heart is frustrated. I am repeating that despair and defeat. I am letting it set in where there should be no place for it. I need to fill my heart with life rather than my situations. The fruit of that will be less negativity and criticism.
How to fill the heart to be life productive: Word, Prayer, and Worship. Less of the world and more of HIM.
The song… I have the Joy Joy Joy Joy down in my heart, comes to mind. Let’s have the Lord put some JOY in our hearts today!

2- Recognize the NO’s
One thing that gets to my heart frustrated is the conflicting political views. The anger and hatred I read or hear from both sides are contagious. This is a no for me. I need to recognize the no’s in my life. Sitting and listening to someone else’s frustrations for hours is a NO. The other day, I had a FULL 7 hours of listening and trying to minister to others. Multiple people, but it was a straight 7 hours and they just wanted to vent, not solutions! This is A BIG NO for me and I have to be prepared to say, enough let’s talk about something else. It is absolutely draining otherwise.
Another big no, Doing everything that pops into my head because I have the energy at the moment, is a no for me. I can’t do everything and be everything to everybody. I have to know when to say no, otherwise out of my heart will be resentment and frustration when I become exhausted.

3- It is okay to be me.
I feel guilty for wanting to spend so much time alone and then it plays on my mind. Out of the heart, my mouth will speak, if I am dogging myself and my personality in my heart, I will not have life and give life to others but criticism and harshness. The same criticism and hurtful opinions of myself will be put on others.

I was an only child, a latchkey one at that. Much of my time was spent joyfully alone. I am learning I am a social introvert. I love people and the ministries the Lord has before me, but too much and I am absolutely exhausted. I need to separate and reboot, and in this season it is needed more often. I need the quiet, I thrive on the quiet, it is life-giving to me and that is okay. I need to accept me.
I also have let the opinion of others that I need to be love to everyone all the time put guilt on me. I do need to love everyone, be a light to everyone, but I do not need to socialize with everyone. There are some people who are toxic and I can’t love them enough to change that, I have tried.  When a needy, critical, hurtful person begins to toxify my life, I need to be aware and put my foot down.
I can be selective in this season and for my own health that is ok and necessary.

4- Except my limits.
This is an extension of the no’s but very relevant in its own way.
I have half completed things around my house all of the time in this season. To get through doing the dishes, I have to unload the dishwasher, sit down and rest, then go back to loading it. Same with the Laundry, I can get it out of the dryer and fold but that is the end of it for me and it sits folded, while I rest. This is often the same getting ready for my day; shower, sit. Fix hair, sit. Put on makeup and brush teeth, sit. The fatigue can be overwhelming and if I push, do not rest, do not take those breaks, I can hardly walk across the room and it last for days rather than moments. I have to accept where I am, not bury the negative in my heart but the truth, I have limits, God will grant me strength in my weakness, but I can listen to those limits. Out of the heart, my mouth will speak, perhaps my healing will come faster, if I take the time to REST IN THE LORD, and speak the truth about what I am ABLE to do rather than just sit and stir about what I am not.

I am sure there are many other areas the Lord will reveal to me in the next few weeks as I seek Him on the issue. But today the biggest one that sticks out to me is out of the heart the mouth will speak. No matter how I feel, if I am feeding my heart good things, my mouth will speak good things. If my focus is on my flesh and my situation, of course, negative things will be what comes out. I need to not focus on all my flaws, to err is human, but my God is bigger than my screw ups. He can do more than what I know. He can restore. He makes all things new.
These truths are what will be buried deep in my heart. So that Out of my heart my mouth will speak LIFE things.

Matthew 15:18

But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.
ESV

An old memory…. Childhood Joys

The sun shines bright. My spirit perks up a bit just to have the glorious light beam across my face and the warmth hits deep!

I am taken back to childhood days. Days that were complete bliss in the midst of the most simplest moments. Memories flood back  of blowing sticky bubbles, drawing in sand with my fingers,

picking dandelions as a prize for my mommy, imagining I am the princess dancing in the kingdom, running in green grass with bare feet and how the grass stained the bottom of my toes, and moments of laying on the ground in fits of giggles when my friends and I were exhausted from our games.

This is the kind of pure simple joy that I am trusting for daily. My joys do not come from my circumstances or the amount of money I put into an experience, but just by having the experience. Joys that come from simply living. Joys from spending time with the one that loves me most and encourages me to have the heart of a child.

To have joy, simply because I have the right to. I can still dance, sing, clap, laugh, be silly and simply just be me.

I AM a princess. I AM a daughter of a king. One that does not have to give up the childlike presence in my heart. I am encouraged to be as a child. To laugh and have joy, to look at all the blessings as sweet gifts. To look at a bird flying in the blue skies with awe anew. I have the ability to look at the awesome gifts the creator has given me with fresh eyes and wonderment. I can stop taking the world around me for granted. He has given me a beautiful picture to wake up to daily…. life.

Challenge this day my friends: Take time each day to walk in childlike joy. Stop and look at things in your life with wonderment. Have that childlike faith that the things you need to change will. That you still CAN be anything He created you to be! Walk with you eyes forward and face what you must, but remember, there is joy in simple things!

Matthew 19:14

But Jesus said, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.

Beauty from Ashes, it is well

In my dry and desolate desert, your spirit awakened something beautiful.
Through the hurting and the sorrow, you comforted me.
You reached into the depths of the unknown places I had hidden within  my soul.
You have brought laughter to my mourning. You have wiped away all the tears.

You alone have restored.

It is well.

You alone have healed.

It is well.

I may not understand the days of brokenness, yet I saw your glory.

It is well.

I see your beauty that has come from the ashes.

It is well.

You alone allow my heart to say, ” it is well.

Isaiah 61: 1-3

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,

He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the LORD’s favor has come, and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.

To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory.

 

 

 

Complain, complain, complain

 

One of the triggers for my fibromyalgia is the rainy weather. The rain also starts the mold in the window sills that have to be diligently watched to keep clean. The rain makes me cold and once I get cold from wet jeans, it takes hours to feel warm. The rain makes the floors nasty when we are loading and unloading the car.  These are all my thoughts most of the winter and I complain, complain, complain. 

I complain without even realizing that I am complaining. It has become such a habit to be negative about the wet weather that when I rise and see rain ‘again’ my heart gets deflated. One year, I even cried when the first rain of the season arrived.

Then this morning! I woke up blurry eyed and sore and I looked out my window and saw the fog admit the greenery before my eyes. I saw golds and greens and the most vibrant colors and I realized, without all that rain my view wouldn’t be as breathtaking. 

It was a shifting and a reflection of myself. What other beauties am I missing with my complaining heart? What other joys, or moments pass by because I complain, complain, complain? 

*God wants me to give thanks in EVERYTHING!

1 Thessalonians 5:18- In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

This is the day to rejoice! This is the day the Lord has made! I should wake up with a song on my lips despite what is going on in the weather forecast. Yes, it hurts my muscles, but I can rejoice that I am able to rest when needed. Yes it is cold, but I am able to rejoice I have a warm home. I need to shift my thinking to be on my rejoices rather than my frustrations. The frustrations are going to be there weather I like them or not, but if I let them be my focus they have robbed my joy. 

*I am not shining if all I am doing is complaining.

Philippians 2:13-15 For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.

Do all things without murmurings and disputings:

 That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world;

 

Time to remember the things the Lord has placed in my heart and break the habit of complain, complain, complain. I am not picking that back up!

quote: Watch out for the joy-stealers: gossip, criticism, complaining, fault-finding, and a negative, judgmental attitude.
Joyce Meyer 

They are not forgotten

Isaiah 49:15-16- 

“Can a woman forget her nursing child,

that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb?

Even these may forget,

yet I will not forget you.

 Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;

your walls are continually before me.

You are NOT forgotten. You are not hiding in your wilderness unnoticed. The Lord that called you has not neglected you. He will never forget you! He will break down those walls!!!!

There are two individuals in my life that I know are hurting. Their needs have not been met, they live in a harsh environment, they have been forgotten and neglected by those called to care for them.

Today I found something that reminded me of them and i just wept. I felt my love pour out over them and I sensed just as my love poured out over them, The Lord’s covering is upon them. I prayed for awakening in their spirit as I know they have experienced the spirit of the Lord before. I prayed peace in the midst of the darkness. I prayed a remembering of my love and that it surround them, that the Lord’s love surround them even more and that there would be an outpouring. I prayed that despite their circumstances even in their sleep the presence of God would make himself so real and so known that it get them through their isolated and broken days.

This song came forth and I sang it over them. I know that my prayers are heard. I know that the love was felt. I know that they know that they know the Jesus that I introduced them to. I remember the laughter, the dancing, the singing and pure joy. I pray that joy permeate around them and flow to all those that they touch.

 

A treasure found this day

This was an old post I had begun and never finished. It was found in the drafts from years ago.

I felt like I had opened a treasure chest full of the Lord’s reminding in the list of drafts. There were many to open and this one I decided to share today. It is a new year. Time to abandon old things and start fresh!!

Surrender : To abandon

I am finding the more I abandon the garbage in my life, the more joy that fills my heart. When we hold onto anger and bitterness it clogs up the flow of joy just as cholesterol clogs the arteries.

When we let bitterness rise again and again and then complain that we are depressed pointing a finger at the one that offended us, it is no different from ramming our head against a brick wall over and over again and then blaming the wall for our headache.

We need to look at our own selves in the situation.  How are we holding on and what can we do to surrender it? Do we really want to keep walking around with it?

We all have our reasons to feel like we have a right to hold on to that anger. But it hurts us, not the one or the circumstance that we are angry with.

There was a person who hurt my family. I hated this person. Many days all I could do was think about how I would murder them if I could get away with it. I hated them vehemently and for what most would think was good reason. But my hatred of this person was taking over my days, consuming my every thought. There was no peace as I focused only on what they had done and how they should pay.

I realized if I wanted to walk in freedom I needed to surrender all the anger, bitterness, and guilt. But the question for me was how did I start? How could I abandon the feelings and leave them  down and not pick them back up over and over again?

 

ADDED TODAY: 1/4/18  from the wisdom the years has brought me and the freedom I now get to walk in.

Question: How do yo let go of the bitterness and anger without picking it up over and over again.
1. I forgive…

Matthew 6: 14- “For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

                   Luke 17:4 – “And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”

I let go of the circumstances and take off the personal attack. I depersonalize the situation. I work to set it apart from me. It was a situation that happened it does not have to cling to me. When I find  it extremely hard to forgive I ask the Lord’s help. I ask for His peace. I ask Him to help me love my enemy.

2. I pray for my enemy…

Matthew 5:44-But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

I use to struggle with how in the world to pray for an enemy. I would ask, ” seriously God isn’t it enough that they hurt me and they don’t care? How do I pray for them?” God said, “just start.” So now, I pray for the one that has offended me to know Jesus and to break free of the bondage that hurts people. I pray for them to have VICTORY in JESUS.

3. I rejoice that the Lord has set me free…

2 Timothy 2:26- and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.

When I walked in my wrath of bitterness I was held captive by the enemy. I am no longer bound up in the bondage of un-forgiveness and bitterness!!! That is MY reward, my gift from the Lord.

I praise, I worship, I shout and dance. Then when that ugly thing tries to rise up in me I praise louder, worship longer and dance like never before. Instead of using that reminder to take my focus, I use that reminder to take me deeper.

The year 2018 is a great opportunity to break off offenses, walk in freedom of forgiveness and grow deeper in loving.

And I say…. “YES LORD!”