Loss will break your heart, but does not have to break your joy.

I know girls that have sliced open their arms out of pain, anger and self-hatred. They destroyed their faces because they did not want to look beautiful.

I have lost some of these beautiful women to their commitment of self-destruction.

I could use these situations and allow guilt to set in that I could not save them. That nothing I had said, and none of my prayers worked.  I could obsess with the fact that their lives were wasted and lost.

Or I can cry for a moment, let myself morn and then wake up and be proactive in the lives of others. I don’t spread joy because I feel like the perpetual Mary Poppins, or Pollyanna, I spread joy because I know the moment I stop, that is the moment that I become self indulged and obsessed of the situations I am in.

There isn’t one moment in any day that I do not have an emotion of burden and sadness.  But to allow that to be my focus or to take over my life is not an option. Joy comes from within. It is beyond the feeling of splendor, it is something you obtain regardless of how you feel. It is the TRUTH that you have life, that you will live it abundantly and your situations, will either pass or not, but joy is yours each day.

challenge this day my friend; allow yourself to mourn, allow the emotion of loss and destruction to cleanse your heart through your tears. Then take some breaths and say, emotion, you can not have todays joy.

 

The good old days

My most important heart of the matter desire with my writing is to bring you joy, or to inspire you to find your joy.
As I was awoke from a dream tonight, I remembered how simple things were as a child with my Daddy taking the lead and making the decisions. Providing my needs and being my hero.
I reflected back to the days of him by my side selling blue bird cookies, so I could win a trip to camp and while away at the camp I got so homesick my mom and dad came and got me early.
I remember running to Dad when he got off of work, and pulling off his boots and climbing in his lap to feel his mustache.
I would dance on his toes, and let him lead me around the living room standing on his feet.
We would trick or treat until we got so far from our starting point I would get tired and he would carry me back.
I would pretend to be asleep so he would carry me into the house, I would hear mom whisper that I was faking and he always said, “It’s okay, I’ll carry her in.”
He was my best friend, my comrade, my daddy , my hero.
I didn’t have to worry about paying the bills then, or making sure my children were happy, or that I was everything to my own family I should be. There was no illness for me as a child. Usually there was no stress or hurt and let down from friends and if there was Dad was always there to make me smile.
I find joy looking back at those sweetest memories of mine. And most often they involve my childhood, my dad, and the sacrifices he made, so that I could have the best possible.
I am writing this because those sweet memories bring me joy. A bubble in my heart that leaves me with a sigh.
I know someday that joy may be bittersweet when my dad is no longer here. But for now, I know he is and recently I got to be a little kid again.
I went to a Pat Benatar concert with just me and my dad. We talked about when I was little, we sang the songs together that I used to scratch up on his records, we talked about how talented she still is, and we talked about things on our hearts as adults.
My challenge this day my friend is to look back on those good memories and make new ones.
You may not have had happy child hood memories, I challenge you to create some. Go out for an ice cream cone in the middle of the day, or take your shoes off and feel the grass between your toes again. Find a comrade to share your hopes and dreams and fears.  Dare I say, take a moment and imagine your past better than it was. Let yourself create joy in any circumstance.
Some of us lose creativity when we grow up and have to go through our normal routines, I challenge you to not let it happen to you. I give you permission to be silly, to smile, to play and have good old days.
If you are ever looking for ideas, ask me, I am great at not growing up !

Blessings to you and happy childhood hunting.

Curiosity killed the cat

   So , our very stressed out, shy cat decided to go outside. I knew this was not a good thing for him. He had never been outside before and in the house he always hid from us and every noise because he was so skittish.

    Well it has been well over a week and at one point we saw him way under the house in an area we could not reach, I had hoped he would get hungry enough that we would be able to get him back with food,  but he is gone.

   I think it is safe to say, whatever wondering he had about outside has killed him.

  Thinking on this fact today made me reflect on how many times did my curiosity of what is a ahead kill my good moment of right now?

   I know this post will conflict with the other post about vision and looking ahead, but there is a difference between looking ahead with a vision and a goal and sticking your nose in something you are not ready for.

  Sometimes we jump so quickly into what we want that we don’t finish with preparation on how to get there successfully. We just jump and fall flat on our faces.

  We can have joy right where we are at in preparation for where we want to be. Looking ahead at the prize as an olympic medalist would, while still building their strength, stamina and skill to obtain it.

  This is my challenge this day my friend. Do not get in such a hurry to see your goal that you don’t finish your preparation to get there . Just like my poor kitty that didn’t wait to become prepared for the great noisy outside. Do not let your curiosity and impatience kill your dream, like it killed the cat.

Focus, focus, FOCUS!

   Where are your thoughts this day? I have so many running around in my head. It takes a great effort to stop thinking on the worries and retrain my mind to focus on the things that will produce life.

  I know we all have those mile long lists of thoughts that try to bombard us everyday. I have discovered and rediscovered that it does not do my body or my joy meter any good to dwell on; the overdue bills, illnesses, faithless friendships, lost loved ones and the never-ending to do list.

   There are some days that looking ahead at our circumstances does not leave room for much hope. But I am choosing to look at the future with a vision of what I want to come to pass rather than where I am at right now and stopping only at what I can see. So I go ahead and view my future and see where I am headed and know those dreams will come to pass. The things I want to see will happen. In the meantime I can stop and focus on what has happened that is good.

   Some days that focus is no more than “hey, I woke up this morning and I am able to stand on my own two legs.”  Directing my focus on the positive and where  it needs to be rather than where my mind naturally wants to take it is an amazing start to the day.

   Yesterday I had to dig up many focus opportunities.  The circumstances of life have been a struggle the past, forever. There is always something new to creep up.  Yet I know if I focus where I have come out of, the times we have overcome, I know I will succeed yet again. I may have to get into that clear focus over and over and over again in the matter of minutes with life thoughts crashing in, yet I am determined to do just that.

 My challenge this day my friend, is to not stop at the difficulties of where you are right now, but to find a goal and vision of where you want to be and focus on the victory when you get there, how sweet it will be! If you can’t muster the energy for your vision at this point,  take your focus to places that you have seen victory before and know it WILL come again. 

  Focus, focus, FOCUS my friend; can clear your sights in whole new ways.

 Here is to my focus this morning and wishing you joy this day!

Small things

  I have found lately that I can be bothered by such small, troubling, stumbling blocks that pop up, if I let myself. I have to choose to not walk in my thought of the moment or feelings but in the truth, that those small issues do not matter in the grand scheme of things.

  It can be hard to look at something that feels like a very real problem and say, ” You do not matter. You are small compared to all the other issues out there.”  But this is just what I am finding what I need to do. 

  Some days I feel like I have completely lost my mind when the fibro fog settles in. Then on top of that I get everyone’s opinion on why I am sick , or how to get better.

   I need to just let go and see that those issues really are not that big of a deal. I will get better, the fog will lift, and I have joy.

    I also need to just breath and let go when certain people’s opinions of me come in.  To put it bluntly I can not be all things to all people and I absolutely guarantee that  I will not agree with you at all times. I can not in any way meet everyone’s expectations, nor do I desire to. Does it really matter if I am different than who YOU choose me to be?

    My material possessions may break one after another, my husband may have lost over half his income for almost a year, I may have left my job and now realize ” hmmmm, we really did notice that extra each month”.  I may have been diagnosed with  a chronic illness. But in the grand scheme of things; I have a home, food, clothing, family, love, oh and hey even internet. The issues of lack or the issues that will change do not need to be my focus. They do not need to distract me from my joy.

  To live a life full of joy, my thoughts need to not be on where people want me to be, or where I want me to be, or where I want my finances to be. My heart needs to stay focused on what is truth. Problems no matter how big or small do not need to dictate my thoughts.  I do not need to dwell on them. Rather take a breath and know the storm will be over in just a moment. Joy truly does come in the morning, if we let it.

 My challenge this day friend is for you to evaluate. What things are truly small, that we can just breath and not focus on?

 There are enough issues in the world, do we really need to take on more?

Let go and let live

 

 I am beginning to see the freedom in being exactly who I am. It does not matter what others may think of me. I am choosing to be joyful, happy, caring and non judgemental.

“How can anyone fault you for being joyful, happy, caring and non judgemental?” you may ask. Trust me they can, and I no longer care.

It is my choice to let others have the freedom in their own choices. It is a joy to not worry about the decisions others make but to be accountable only for myself.

The freedom of not letting myself get consumed with the behaviors of the world is refreshing. I do not like certain things people do that is for sure. But if an act a person commits is not criminal than I have no say in their choice. It isn’t as if they have asked me, “please give me your opinion on this matter.” For if they do look out !

Why is it in our nature to think that everyone must think and act the way we do?

I have a definite opinion on what is healthy, what is good, and what is right. But unless I am asked for that opinion I do not need to push the opinion or dwell on the choices if they do not match that opinion.

There is such freedom in letting loose of old habits and letting my opinion in matters go. To just live for the day. One day at a time, one choice at a time and each choice I make, my own.

I am sure I will be judged on this philosophy of mine. After all this is the human nature, to judge. This is the exact nature I am striving to run from. 

 I am a Christian woman and many of my well-meaning Christian friends feel it is their very responsibility to change the hearts of others themselves. If it is not in their own power to do so, they will push and push until they see the results they want or anailiate others completely.

Now don’t get your feathers in a ruffle if you do not do this. I said many of my friends. I did not say you personally, or all of my friends.

 If you are one that pushes your own mind onto others than that is, your choice after all. I am just saying I am choosing to let go, let others live their own life and I will be joyful in the truth I have discovered. We all have a calling, we all have a life to live and what we do with it or not, it truly is our choice. We may not like the outcome of our choices, but we will live with it.

I am not saying to not care about others, because I do. I am just saying  that you may find a great joy in letting go and letting live, just as I have.

A new season… yet again

 

 I have been away from blogging for some time now. The school year affected my body greatly and left little energy for anything else. Which had left me to a new decision yet again, “What to do next?”

 Even in some of our hardest decisions in life we can look and see snipits of joy as an outcome. I can honestly say that resigning from my current job was a heartbreaker for me. I absolutely loved working daily with preschool children. Seeing their smiles, being there for their oowies and mom missing moments and seeing the lightbulb of learning click again and again as they discover and learn each day.

I must say that even as I loved the children I had a considerably difficult time making it in each day as virus after virus would attack my body. Leaving me hurting each day from the fibromyalgia that loved to rare it’s ugly head more when virus’s were active. 17 virus’s this year and three doctors visits to confirm, “yes, you have a virus again, you work in a preschool. ”

I am working at letting the frustration and anger with my body and it’s limits to turn into a moment of joy that will let me stop and breathe. I will choose to enjoy different things in life, such as slowing down and writing, looking for a part time work or nanny position with just one  family, photography, and exploring my city. I will not stop and say I am done just because one part of my life was too much. I am choosing to live, choosing to have joy and choosing to be blessed in this changing moment.

I am heading to a new destination and can already see some good things that come with the change.

Change is not always fun, change often can hurt as we are pulled in new directions. But there can be joy if we stop and take a breath and look.

I am looking at the joy in being home, getting the house in order, and the amazing words of encouragement of a job well done this year. I am blessed to hear I had an impact even though my time was so much shorter than my desire.

I am not boasting when I say that the atmosphere had changed as the year progressed becoming more and more joyful each day. The children’s smiles grew and their joy in their day grew continually. I know that I had some impact in that.

I was asked this year when I first started working at the Montessori School, ” Shaey, why do you always smile at me?”

In which I replied, ” because when I smile at you , you start to smile, and then together we spread joy.”

So this is my challange today. Despite your changing world, or maybe your pain, smile. Smile big and smile with your heart and know you have put a smile that will spread to others in action.

 

selfishness

Most of us human’s are social beings. We care about others and want people in our lives. Some of us rely on people too much and don’t know what to do with ourselves when someone we love lets us down.

There are givers and there are takers in the human nature. Some people want it to be all about themselves. They seek out relationships because of what that person can do for them rather than what they can do for another. They use you, talk all about themselves without a breath to listen. They give you the pity party and you are there to comfort them. They hurt you when they are not there for you when you need that friend. The taker will discard you when you no longer can fill their needs or someone better comes along.

This  can leave the giver in a relationship feeling used and hurt and wanting to close themselves off to others. To wrap a protective layer around their heart and let no one in again.

Both sets of people a giver and a taker can be classified as selfish. “What?” you say. “How  can the giver be selfish?”  I find that some givers; give because of how invaluable they feel. But no matter the motive of the giver, they are left with a rude awaking when they realize they were not as important as they thought. Then their selfish nature kicks in. They start declaring to themselves ‘ how could they?”  or ” After all I did this is how they treat me.” A used person is often turned off to the new people if they have been hurt enough. They turn others in their life away out of fear of hurt again.

If you are left hurting because of a selfish user and you are rejected or not needed in someones life anymore, do not close yourself off. Do not linger in hurt or anger. Let it go and give simply because you can and are able.

 

This is my challenge today friend evaluate your motives. Become givers with no strings attached. Giving brings about joy.

If you are one that tends to take and take; open you eyes and see how can you give. How can you show the person that has been faithful that you care? Stop and take a breath from your self absorbed world and ask ” how have I spread joy lately?”

 

Do not let selfish ways affect your joyfulness. Somewhere there is always someone that needs you. Are you willing to give? You may be the one giving yet again or it maybe the first time in a long time that you can remember giving into another. Let me assure you of this, thinking about someone with no strings attached and giving of yourself from a pure motive can be the most joyful thing you ever did.

 

joyful

 

Webster’s dictionary –  Joyful: Experiencing, causing or showing joy

Looking at Webster’s definition of joy is enlightening isn’t it? The word that stands out to me is ‘or’. It does not say experiencing, causing ‘and’ showing joy. We can be joyful even if we ourselves are not experiencing joy at the moment but just by causing or showing joy.

This just confirms the fact that you do not need to feel ‘happy’ in order to be joyful. You do not need to have everything in your life going just right, to be joyful.

Webster’s dictionary- Joyless: Not feeling or causing joy : cheerless

Do we really want to be cheerless individuals. Causing joy makes a joyful individual. It will give us the stance to say; ” no matter what we are joyful.” No matter the broken heart of the moment; we are joyful.

I no doubt know that the moment of tragedy has a process to get through. We are human and when tragedy strikes we may go through some or all of the phases of grief ; denial ( the no not me ), anger (why me), bargaining (if I do x than you will do x), depression (this is really happening), and finally acceptance (this has happened).

My challenge this day is to allow ourself the process to grieve. Allow ourself to walk through the seasons. But do not stop there my friend. Move on beyond the pain and the now. When you can take a moment to breath, sow a little seed of joyful. It may be all that you have in you at the moment but remember it may be all the other person can see in the season they are in. And you can truly say, no matter what has happened “I am joyful.”

Beauty

I was looking over photo’s of days gone by and was amazed by the fact that in every aspect of my life and in each season, I can complain about something.

Life always has those twist and turns of good and bad times. What stunned me today was that back when I was under a hundred and twenty pounds, I felt so heavy. I hated my body and had little confidence. I stressed over what I ate and how I dressed. I was so shallow in many ways but in reality I had no confidence in myself or my worth. I was a mother of three boys and that was it. I did not stop to think who ‘I’ was only what I thought others wanted of me.

Women let me encourage you today! You are far more valuable than how you look, or what size you are , or even what it is you do with your days. And men let me just say, even though you think it obvious , that lady in your life can use encouragement. The world puts such emphasis on a degree, on your weight, on your style, being the perfect soccer mom or having the gleaming shining house. They do not see the worth of a woman based on the fact that she is a great creation.

I laugh now as I can see that fifty pounds heavier, still no ‘degree’ and a loving mother of three with a crazy busy house, that I have worth and I find value in it far greater than I had ten years ago.

Joy does not come because of the things we have done or how great we are. Joy comes when we are satisfied where we are at and looking forward to the journey of where we are going. When we know, that we are not finished or complete but a part of a great mastery of work. That the completion is far better than anything we could possibly come up with. Our only down fall can be if we let the world and where we are at; dictate what we become.

We are not finished yet, but have only begun. I do not care what the age, or where you are at in this life; there is a greatness inside you to be accomplished. Lives to be reached in new ways and  lessons to be learned. The season you are in is not your final outcome, only a part of your journey!

Join me this day in saying; hahaha world, if only you stopped and saw me for what I am. A great and mighty beauty ready to make a change. The world can not stop us, only we can. Let us agree to move forward in boldness a force to not be stopped in making the world see the beauty within.

Join me my friend in being joyful where we are at, confident in what we have become and know that we are not finished; it has all only just begun !