How to Move Beyond Comparison

“Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!”

I can vividly see the scene in my mind, Jan Brady was frustrated that older sister Marsha could do everything well. It seemed to her that everyone was focused on Marsha and her many victories. 

Jan, who felt like she couldn’t measure up to her sister, and that she couldn’t do anything well, felt as if she was hiding in the shadow of greatness. This leads to the depths of discouragement.

Have you had a Marsha in your life? Everybody seems to flock to this person, while you sit quietly on the sidelines. Everything you have tried to do, they seem to do it better and be greater. If you have walked this path, you have likely held yourself in comparison, bitterness, and resentment. This is dangerous territory to linger in, as it often keeps us bound up from exploring what WE are called to.

The trap of comparison not only leads to depression, discouragement, and hopelessness. If we are not careful, we stop pursuing and doing, to the point that we will never arrive at our unique greatness. 

So how do we stop? How do we not let where others are in their journey affect us on our own? How do we keep pushing on when we seem to be all alone and face defeat after defeat? You have tried to do you, but inevitably the thoughts always go back to how others do it better or would fit better, or have it all together….better. I have listed some tips that have helped me, move beyond my comparisons and pursue that which is within me. 

10 Steps to Move Beyond Comparison

1. Recognize Your Motive- Why do you want success? Are you motivated to be a benefit to your life and others, or are you motivated to just have what they have?

Do you feel admiration or jealousy? 

2. Adjust your Perception of What Has Value- It is much easier for me to see what others offer as far greater than what I had readily available to give the world.

Yet, we are all designed to be unique. 

3. Don’t Confuse Success with The Size of Your Audience- The author of life has given you a call and a reach. It may be millions, or just one. Never forget, THAT one, is important. You have value, and no matter the size of your impact, you have an impact. Walking out your call, your destiny will impact others. You will light a spark. You were created for such things. Your success is not measured by the size of your audience, rather it is measured by walking out what is for you and only you to do. Your very impact on one could ignite the world! Yet, we are all designed to be unique. Perhaps you may not have people flocking to you, because you are created to be intentional with people in a way that is different than somebody else. Maybe they do have hundreds, thousands, or even millions in their contacts and sphere of influence, but don’t underestimate the power of connection that you were created for. 

4. Celebrate Their Victories- The quickest way that I have found personal victory over comparison is to be genuinely happy for other people and their successes. Rather than the, “Why not me?” attitude, I shift to “Yay You.” 

5. Focus on Your Growth, and Move Beyond Your Comfort Zone- Success can be uncomfortable You may begin to see some attention to your hard work and want to step back. It is scary stepping out and being exposed. Yet, growth comes with some discomfort. Do you remember the growing pains as you quickly grew in seasons of childhood? It is the same way with our victories and success. Getting there can be painful.

6. Address Imposter Syndrome- I have heard the most famous of famous say that they have felt less than. They feel like they are faking it every day. When we walk around feeling like an imposter, we are in danger of walking in comparison, or an, “I wish I could be like that attitude”. Be you, do your thing, and walk in the confidence that you ARE in the right position, you are not an imposter. 

7. Rethink Your Thinking- Rather than running the record in your mind, “Why are they so successful, why do they always seem to get there easily?” Shift your thoughts. This is a great opportunity to renew your mind! Instead of focusing so much on what they do well, shift your focus on what you are going to do well. If you have not arrived yet, make a plan as to how you will get to where you want to be, and follow through. Most people start and don’t finish because of the negative thinking they let control their minds. 

8. Call it what it is- Comparison is jealousy, envy, and pride. 

9. Define What You Truly Want- Sometimes, we think we want something because it looks good on someone else. But is that YOUR thing? Perhaps you let the dream die, because it wasn’t clicking in the first place, and it has nothing to do with how amazing they are at what they do. 

10. Try, Try Again- If you feel like this is your passion, your thing, and your dream. You must put in the work, research, and pursuit. You won’t get anywhere if at the first sign of this isn’t working, you quit. You may just have to work that much harder than others. If it is what you want, where they are, and how they got there should not be your focus. 

I still fight the mindset of comparison, imposter syndrome, or the energy to put the effort into my dreams. Yet, when I walk out these steps and my mind is on comparison less and less, it is then that I see my personal next unfold.

Coming March 9th… Details SOON

Discontent? Perhaps its time to Disconnect!

My husband is most often a happy go lucky encourager. It isn’t very often that he becomes cloudy and in the dumps. So I asked him the other day if his emotions come in waves at all like the hormonal mad woman that I can be at times lately. I asked if he feels discontent and just doesn’t show it. He thought for a moment and his answer resonated with me.

He said, “I feel a quick rise in frustration or joy when things in life happen. I get mad when someone cuts me off in work traffic or a customer comes at me in ignorance. It is a moment and fades. But you know, what really gets to my emotions is the posts on social media. I have to be mindful to not spend much time on the negative junk that is posted. I can rise in anger at injustice or politics. I can sink in the dumps when I see what others have where I lack in talent or luxuries. I can feel unmotivated when others are doing what I want to be doing but don’t know how or feel I can’t leave my profession. A lot is to be said about what your thoughts are on. Until social media, I was a lot easier going than I am now if I let the junk in.”

I too have felt this very thing. It starts as a little stirring of discontent. Perhaps as you scroll you see someone far more talented than you see yourself. You compare and your brain begins to scramble with all the thoughts of how you can improve or how you can measure up, or even how you just can’t. Then you see a political post that you are the polar opposite of and you grow frustrated how far one way or the other politics has swung. Your mind is filled with even more scramble and emotions.
Maybe you make an innocent comment on a post and you are attacked with bullies hitting you in very personal ways. Add more scramble and discontent. Then you disconnect from those that are around you.
If you are unmotivated and discontent in your creativity perhaps you need to disconnect from comparison and seeing what everyone else is doing.
If attitudes you hear and read are affecting your own attitude, disconnect from the ugliness. The onslaught of thoughts can be so overpowering, the mind becomes scrambled and what is truly important can be tangled in the mess. Perhaps the rise of depression is linked to time spent online and not face to face with others, or tangible creative opportunities and living life without the screen in your way.

Maybe the solution for discontentment is to disconnect from social media outlets for a season, or online gaming. If you are just not resonating and connecting to people that are around you in the flesh it is important to see what is in your way. I saw a little girl crying and completely upset and her mother doing nothing more than scrolling her phone and pushing her child away. Another little boy fell and hit his head hard, and the mother had a very little reaction for her hurting child. We have to disconnect in alarming ways! We are not hearing the heart of others. We are not regulating our own emotions.

Social media, as a tool for marketing business or connecting with people, is great. But when seeds of discontent begin to be planted and the more you submerge into the cyber world the more discontent you can become, It can pour out into the attitude and emotions in the life around you. It is time to disconnect from the source of death and to reconnect with life-giving resources.

I ask you to listen to the words of wisdom of my love. If you are feeling disconnected or ‘off’ or if you are feeling more temperamental then perhaps look at how much time you are spending with screen time outlets as your social connection. Maybe it is time to disconnect from that screen and connect face to face.