Soft little sticky fingers holding my hand tightly.
Chubby cheeks dimpled in a smile, laughter filling his soul.
His sandy blond curls, tickling my nose as he hugs mama a little tighter.
Feet patter, running for the next adventure.
These are sounds, smells and sights that are only a memory but ingrained forever, now that my little one is no longer a child but a man.
I am a very blessed mother, that has a son that still calls out and asks for help. He still wants a hug from mama, he allows me to sing harmonies as he plays guitar around the fire, and now I have the great joy of seeing him as one of my best friends.
It was heartbreaking the day my son uttered the words, ” I was a mistake.”
I had never thought he would even consider such a thing.
He knew that he was born only a month after our wedding, and so therefore his dad and I had been intimate outside of marriage.
However, not for a moment, not for a second, not even a thought….was this son a mistake.
He has been my joy throughout the years where no joy could be found.
He is a gift from God that leaves his mama knowing that I am blessed.
He is human, he has and will make mistakes, but he NEVER was a mistake.
I smile at the remembrance of the moment he got his big truck on his second birthday, eyes lit as he ran for it.
Then the driving lessons as soon as he got his learners permit. I took him in the big empty church parking lot and he looked right at me and said, “Don’t get mad!”
Just as I was about to ask why, he punched the gas right there in the parking lot to see how fast he could get the car to go, in the short distance.
I wanted to kill him, but at the same time, that smile that got me so often when he was the chubby little toddler, got me as he laughed at my shock.
He did get a lecture on the responsibilities of driving, even though inside I was giggling a bit.
Gone are the days of baseball gloves laying by the front door, needing help getting a drink of water from the fountain, and his big brown eyes looking up at me. It is now I that look up at him.
He will never not need his mama, yet I am so thankful to say, I will never not need my son.
I would not trade this new season for anything! Yet, the time to get here went far to quickly.
This season of having my oldest away from home for the first time, leaves me both proud and a bit lonely.
I forget at times he no longer lives here, and go to tell him something, or I will want to sing with him and listen to his guitar and realize that those times are going to be farther and farther apart. I see worth and greatness in him. He has many talents and skills. He is spending this year getting closer to the Lord and seeking his next steps in his life. I see a beautiful gift of a lady before him, and my heart soars at the possibilities for his future. A mistake…..NEVER. Our God knew exactly what He was doing giving me this great gift. I am the one that often wonders, what did I ever do to be so blessed!